I can imagine my mood in 2008, but glad to find this snippet in my old email

Once there was a boy, always too eager to be a man

As the years passed, there was a man who longed to be a boy

Now, the man is the man and the boy is the boy

All because the man has realized something.

Let the boy not realize the same thing,

Lest there will only be a man without the innocence of the boy.

Time and Control

We typically come across two words when it comes to do a job in expedited manner. Doing in hurry or doing it quickly. Both of them mean to do something faster than normal. But while "hurry" is used in more of a pejorative tone, "quickly" gives out a favorable tone.

Now, what exactly makes that difference? I think the difference is the control one has over the task at hand. Doing it in hurry typically implies, expediting the process with lesser regard to the task content at hand, there by risking the control over the substance. Doing it quickly is about getting things together, cutting down any inefficiencies, so as to expedite the process, without jeopardizing the task at hand.

For 'tasks', it is quite easy to differentiate between these two ways of handling. But can attitudes and behaviors assume similar differences?

As far as attitudes go, I think, making generalizations, accepting stereotypes typically comes under the "hurry" category.

As far as behaviors go, measuring our success in relation to immediate friends or acquaintances or current situation fall in "hurry" category.

Then comes the question. Should we be quick in attitudes and behaviors too? Being quick is about being open to accept new lines of thought, thereby not having any purposeless conflict periods. and which helps in making quick and clear decisions.

Coming back to the essential question of Time vs Control.., Obviously doing the same thing in lesser time is preferable, as far as productive tasks go (it is a different for creative and emotional endeavors though). But, one can not simply reduce the time spent, without having an impact on the outcome, there by losing control. Also, there is a temptation for solutions which give faster partial solutions, which take us through a path of dead end, with the destination very well in sight, but not reachable., again resulting in lost-control.

So, how can we be reasonably be sure that we are doing things quickly rather than in a hurry? One approach that seem to offer an insight is to reverse the destination vs starting point. Instead of finding options for starting from current point to the destination, start from destination and find options to come towards the starting point. Now, what stops this approach from facing similar issue as the regular one. Well, self-awareness. In first approach, the destination is something which we have not reached yet, and something that is abstract. But in second approach, the "destination" is real, and we are part of it. With this second approach, the initial steps would not mislead us, and as we get closer to the destination, we can always apply this approach again, to get more concrete "starting" steps from destination.

What all this means for attitudes and behaviors. Well plain and simple. It is all about thinking from others' point of view.

Civilizational Gadget

I was surprised, 10 years back, when I first came to US, to see so many 'non-american' faces than the ones I see in the hollywood movies.

Why is it so that in California I find so many 'Asian Americans', and in eastern sea-board, I see so many 'Patels'. And none of them I met, were not even half-excited as I was, to be in US. I was astonished that they did not realize how 'lucky' they were to land in 'The land of dreams'.

And later on, specifically coming to the point of 'Indians'; I used to come across 'Indians' especially in the airports. And some of them while introducing, never used to ask the language I 'type' in (I guess you inferred by now, it is not about spoken languages). Now, interestingly, I used to feel, these Indians, dont feel like Indians. They dont even feel like Indian-Americans. During that phase of thinking through, I came to know about the background of Patels emigrating from Africa, good number of Fijians of Indian descent, and decent number of descendants from Indian-Americans of post-independence era. I have to admit that it was a bit of humbling experience that I was not one of the earliest FOBs from India to US.

So, this kinda you an idea of where my ranting is going.. or may be not..

But, coming to the point, some where, some time, I came across the term 'Civilizational Debris' uttered by Arundati Rioy, The Holy, (..not sure whether it was coined by her).. It specifically captured the term which explained everything I wanted to understand in this context, in two words. I guess, with a bit of due deserved time to this concept, you would also get an idea behind the term.

Now, thinking about it, I realize I am not 'debris' atleast, since nobody left me over here in USA, but willingly I myself came over here. First time, out of enthusiam, and second time out of escapism. Either way it was my choice.

But then again, I realize that I have a kind of virtual control of my life. No one forces me to do any thing or not do any thing, but I can not do anything myself.

Thinking through this, one fine enlighting moment came to my mind, when I thought of myself as 'Civilizational Gadget'.

I hope this does not need too much explanation. Not that I can give you one, if you are interested in. But that, I can honestly say that, it would take another year or two before, I could come up with a better term to describe what I am.

Lok Satta: Effort towards democracy

Well, first things first. India is the largest democracy. No doubts about it. But, how many of us, Indians, know what democracy means. And those who think they know about it, how many of them are non-cynical enough to go and vote. I belong to the second category, I guess. Not that I am cynical, but I never did vote.

The democracy as such came into the world in a bottom-up approach where the masses gave the core strength to overthrow republic, through the maturity of ideals of rennaissance.But in case of India, it came in rather top down approach, where the educate and intellectual leaders tried to teach the values of democracy to masses.

Not an easy task. But in pre-independence era, being in opposition(well, logically), the leaders did not have too many constraints in vehemently lecturing on what democracy means, and thus demanding more representation in the councils. After independence, the same leaders are on the ruling side, and they could not resist the underlying feudal instincts. And it was still their responsibility of giving their own definition to democracy. It is difficult to tell about what situation Indian democracy is in. Even now, India's democracy's machinery is defined and run by, the established social pecking order.

And, there is one organization which is making it's presence significantly felt, in terms of propagating the definition of democracy, and trying to stick what it means in to the minds of those who are associated with it. Lok Satta is definitely not new. But it is still going from strength to strength, with it's own pace against the behemoth of resistance to change and established mindset.

With the Indian middleclass being forced to take matters into their hand, with a string of events in recent past, which seriously messed their lives, I think, there is no way to turn a blind eye to politics. Earlier, it is a cliche statement among educated to say 'Ah.. those politicians..'. Now, this is not enough. Sooner or later, the educated middle class will pay attention, and participate in democratic process.

Not that there is a gurantee that educated middle class will make 'educated' decision, but at least, we can say that what ever is the result of it, is the best fruit of democracy we can have. If it still tastes sour, I guess we will have to live with it. And it is this cynicism, that Lok Satta is fighting against without any qualms.

Now, this particular post is applicable to my understanding based on Andhra Pradhesh. I apologize that I started with India, and narrowed it down to only one state. But, frankly speaking, I have nothing much to say about the state of democracy in states like, say 'Arunachal Pradesh', 'Chattisgarh' etc..

But, a positive change in any part of India is welcome. It is an indication of a new phenomenon, and hopefully similar forces are at work in other states too.

Me too on the blog finally...

Days go by, still I think of you....

Who are you? the latest you being my dream of becoming an IAS, and do something for the country, India I mean.

Unfortunately, half the way through, I learnt enough to realize that 'it is a big big world and I am a small small...'. every one for that matter. No body is sacro sanct. Even me. And the only reasonable guaranteed outcome that of clearing the exam is life long job security. And talking about the country, in that position, whether you are there or a puppet is there, I wonder if it matters at all. If it is a puppet, atleast one less voice in the miriad. But this knowledge has taken the fire out of me, that is needed to clear the test.

Well, in corporate world also you can apply the same cynical view, but atleast your objectives are not so idealistic as what is expected out of the civils. You might be bluffing others but you are not bluffing yourself either at individual level, or at a group level..

Given a chance again, I am not sure I will go for it. But I still get fired up some times, thinking in the lines I used to think before this experience. But then, the new me says 'Wakey wakey'.

What I learnt from the whole experienece?? Respect. Respect thoughts, respect ideas, respect success, respect failure, respect despair, respect the human spirit. respect the possibility.. well, in short 'Respect'.

I have a deep feeling that I am more comfortable here in US, "searching fo jobs", than how I would have been had I cleared it. Either enjoying the Trishanku Swargam or feeling lost for the rest of the life trying to keep an idealist sham face.

Still, days go by, still I think of you...

Dreams dont seem to die...and I am already getting hints from you. Who are you? I will get beer and go back to bed....