Me too on the blog finally...

Days go by, still I think of you....

Who are you? the latest you being my dream of becoming an IAS, and do something for the country, India I mean.

Unfortunately, half the way through, I learnt enough to realize that 'it is a big big world and I am a small small...'. every one for that matter. No body is sacro sanct. Even me. And the only reasonable guaranteed outcome that of clearing the exam is life long job security. And talking about the country, in that position, whether you are there or a puppet is there, I wonder if it matters at all. If it is a puppet, atleast one less voice in the miriad. But this knowledge has taken the fire out of me, that is needed to clear the test.

Well, in corporate world also you can apply the same cynical view, but atleast your objectives are not so idealistic as what is expected out of the civils. You might be bluffing others but you are not bluffing yourself either at individual level, or at a group level..

Given a chance again, I am not sure I will go for it. But I still get fired up some times, thinking in the lines I used to think before this experience. But then, the new me says 'Wakey wakey'.

What I learnt from the whole experienece?? Respect. Respect thoughts, respect ideas, respect success, respect failure, respect despair, respect the human spirit. respect the possibility.. well, in short 'Respect'.

I have a deep feeling that I am more comfortable here in US, "searching fo jobs", than how I would have been had I cleared it. Either enjoying the Trishanku Swargam or feeling lost for the rest of the life trying to keep an idealist sham face.

Still, days go by, still I think of you...

Dreams dont seem to die...and I am already getting hints from you. Who are you? I will get beer and go back to bed....